The Chunderchuck Express

6th June 2010

After only achieving a few hours sleep I was up before the alarm and the wake up call came in, partly due to my roundabout game of bed -> toilet -> bed -> toilet throughout the night but also a sense of paranoia that we were going to miss the bus transfer to the Ferry to get us to Phi Phi Island. Once up plan was shower, pack, take bags down to reception, have breakfast, check out and then be on our way.

Breakfast, if you could call it that was ‘interesting’. Firstly it was 6:45 in the morning, we were the first ones there so everything should be all ready to rock and roll, but our requests for eggs got lost in translation 1 scrambled egg arrived as 2 fried eggs and the second attempt of 1 scrambled egg was 3 scrambled eggs with pepper. Coffee was some kind of sludge that was undrinkable which means it was bad as I will drink almost anything if it has caffeine; BF’s breakfast was not any more successful with sausages that were cold and juice that was just wrong. With a few mouthfuls in our tummy’s it was time to check out (and retrieve the itinerary that they had kept which was for our entire trip instead of just their sheet of paper), after a few attempts their EFTPOS machine worked and we were ready to be collected.

Our mini van collected us, then another couple and then one of the biggest bitches we have ever come across. Due to seating her parents were taken in a separate car and she kept pestering the driver for 20 minutes of the trip to call his colleague to confirm they had her parents, despite his assurances and at one point I confirmed to her that he said they were on their way, at which she snapped at me that she understood but she still wanted her parents called, I just retreated and let her rant most of the way to the ferry terminal. Once we arrived bitchface was reunited with her parents and all was well with the world.



We got on the Ferry and waited until it was time to head off.....soon the ferry fondly became known as ‘The Chunderchuck Express’ due to the bad weather and waves we encountered. We both knocked back some sea sickness tablets and I was necking the Imodium like it was going out of fashion to ensure there would be no trips to the loos on this ferry ride, other people were not fairing as well. Many starting throwing up at their seats into sick bags and then others would take the full bags out to the bins passed everyone else sitting down........to this day I have no idea why people sit in their seats and spew, it’s just wrong and really gross and kinda makes you want to spew a bit too.

The monotonous up and down was getting dull, I tried reading for a while but we were both distracted by a prime example of why many Aussies make TERRIBLE tourists. She sat behind us, rough as guts from somewhere in the arse end of Melbourne. The story from what we could gather from her very loud personal conversations on her phone was that she was on the end of a few months of travelling, run down and lonely, couldn’t wait to see her boyfriend again but also had been skanking about a fair bit. She was the typical 20 something travelling trash bag; unkempt multicoloured hair extensions, lots of makeup, not many clothes, mouth like a gutter and no idea as to what was and wasn’t a private conversation that was appropriate to share with half a ferry, she kept it up for most of the trip to different people on the end of the phone until she decided she was going to head down and be the first one off the boat.........if she really wanted that I would have been more than happy to give her a shove a few hours ago.

We eventually got to Phi Phi and transferred from our Ferry straight to a stink (diesel) boat....again no opportunity to get to currency exchange or get any supplies as we had hoped. In our ‘this would be the way we want things to go world’ we would get 15 minutes in the main settlement before we went our resort 45 minutes on the other end of the island, as we were learning things just happened the way they were going to. Back on the stink boat, I was curled up in a corner and BF was happily taking pictures of the surrounds and then patting my head (such a good boy), eventually we got to our bay and we then had to go from normal boat to a little longtail boat along with 4 others, all our luggage and a few people from the resort. Once we hit the sand there was a definite sense of relief the very long (now nearly 5 hours) trip was over and we were there.......PARADISE.



We were escorted up the beach and into reception area which was a sandy path and then several rooms, we sat down and were given a cool towel (devine) and a coconut and pineapple juice drink, to which I commented ‘only if this had alcohol’. We got checked in and escorted to our beach front villa, now often photos on a website make things look better than in real life....not this time, every inch was beautiful. Our bags were already at the room, we were shown around and then left to enjoy. Within a few minutes we were changed and ready to jump in the pool, as we made our way (the whole 30 seconds) to the pool we got excited, a beautiful pool lay before us and it was all ours, not a person in sight. We were in before you could blink and swam away the last few days of travel and drama.

After swimming it was down to business, a walk along the beach until we found a little restaurant we ordered some Prawn and Vegetable Tempura, it was the first real food we had eaten all day so it was a welcome delight. Next it was nap time, followed by cocktail hour where I soon discovered that if you do add alcohol to that lovely pineapple and coconut drink as I commented before, you get a Pina Colada. They soon became one of my very best friends. Then some more relaxing time before dinner where eventually BF got what he had been waiting months for DEEP FRIED FISHAY, the photos of the demolition are pretty good.



With our belly’s full we strolled back to our villa and happily saw that our room had been turned down ready for us to collapse into bed for the best sleep we have had in ages........tomorrow was going to be a good day it was BF’s birthday and we were going to be in paradise!

The Fuck-Up Fairy has been on Fire!

So I have just returned from a few weeks away with my BF in Phuket, last time we went I had so many things I wanted to write about but didn't have Internet access frequently or so much as a notebook to write in. This time I went prepared to be able to jot down some tales and memorable moments to share once I was back.....so this is my little travel diary and it started in memorable fashion!

5th June 2010
The day started well, got up, had some coffee, got ready and headed over to mums who was driving us to the airport. We remembered everything we needed; passports-check, tickets- check, snacks for the plane- check, mandatory photo at the airport- check. Lined up for check in, managed to get in line before a group of about 30 golden oldies which was awesome, things were going well. Didn't get the seats we wanted (emergency ones over the wings for my six foot five sweetheart) but hey it was ok.

Went through immigration, security all no dramas, boarded the plane and took off on time....everything going to plan, took off at 10:30am for the 6 hour flight. After a few hours into the flight things started to get interesting, an older lady was at the back of the plane and wasn't feeling too good but the cabin crew were there helping her out and the row in front of us now fondly named 'Baby Boozers' i.e. Baby Boomers heading off on holiday in packs, were behaving worst than a bunch of teenagers drinking at a school disco. But hey, deal able.

Next we heard what no one ever wants to hear on a plane. 'Ladies and Gentlemen this is your Captain Andy speaking, we seem to have a medical situation developing on the plane and if you are a paramedic, nurse or doctor could you please make yourself known to the cabin crew. Thank you'. From that moment on the Fuck Up Fairy was on fire.

We kept travelling along, 2 ladies that were Nurses were at the back helping out the older lady after about 30 minutes we noticed on the flight plan screen on the back of the seat that the plane was no longer heading North to our destination, rather it took a right turn and headed back towards Australia. Soon the Captain announced that due to the 'medical situation' we had turned back to Australian airspace and would be landing in Karratha so that the unwell passenger could receive medical attention, he predicted we would be there in about 45 minutes. After an hour and a bit we were advised that we were not going to be landing in Karratha but instead we would be travelling onto Broome, not because of the medical facilities but rather in case Customs would be required if we had to leave the plane. 2 hours after veering off course we touched down in Broome.

We remained in the plane as the unwell passenger was escorted off the plane by the waiting Ambos, the Captain advised he was waiting further instruction as to the plan as the flight crew were nearing their max flight hours etc. After about an hour and a half we were re-fuelled and taking off to back track 2 hours and then the last 3 hours of the original flight......all up the flight was about 11 hours in total instead of the expected 6.

From here it was downhill, the Baby Boozers were pissed and making their best attempt to clean out ALL of the alcohol on the plane, they were giggling, banging their seats about and every 10 mins or so would go and change seats with some friends further up the plane. The boredom kicked in at the point that the Foxtel dropped out and to add to the mix some delightful stomach pains started. By this time BF and I were at our wits end and the plane could not land soon enough, though massive props to the cabin crew who could have easily decided not to fly over their hours and make us stay in Broome for the night.

Finally we reached Phuket and got through the airport fairly quickly, luckily our transfer was there though they did ask what the heck happened as we were due in 5 hours earlier! After the 'scenic' tour, which wasn't so scenic as it was dark out to our hotel, we finally reached our first stop the Karon Sea Sands Hotel. It was pouring with rain and pitch black outside, which spoiled our plans to get our money exchanged and some supplies before the very early collection for our trip to Phi Phi Island the next day. We gave up on the idea of missioning and collapsed in our room.

The room was sweltering hot (anyone not familiar with Phuket is that it is warm, the average temp whilst we were there was 27-34 degrees and humid) until the air con kicked in about 20 minutes later, by this time BF and I are playing musical chairs on the lavvie.......so romantic I can tell you, and just to make our night, our room is opposite the hotel restaurant where it was Karaoke Night and some tone deaf Germans were doing John Mellancamp a great dis-service and then proceeded to brutalise Queen.

We resolved that today was just one where the Fuck Up Fairy was holding all the cards, dinner was room service and the night was spent with an hour or two of kip and some more musical chairs on the lavvie followed by some necking of Imodium. On the plus side because if you look hard enough there is always one, crispy clean sheets in the bed were awesome as was the fruit basket in the room, oh and that we got here...eventually!